i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I can't turn off my feet"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
