She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
