Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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