I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she smelled like a LAN party
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
