i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
