is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
