You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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