Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
