Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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