I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
