the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
