No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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