Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
