just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
