1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
