Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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