By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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