What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
