Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
