worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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