I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
