My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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