i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
