I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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