guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
