I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
