he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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