i need an iv and a liver transplant
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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