Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
