So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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