About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
