"it" just moved
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
