It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
