Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
