mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
