btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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