eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
