I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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