Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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