i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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