So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
