im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
