Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
3pm strippers are depressing
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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