would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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