Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
