So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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