I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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