I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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