Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Send help, water and tortillas.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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