I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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